...haven't written in ages...I have thought about it sometimes though but most of those times I couldn't write about my feelings and I don't think I can do it now either. I am just doing it because I really need to let this out of my chest in some way.

I am feeling like crap today...for a change!!  for the past days I haven't even been able to look myself in the mirror...that's how much i love myself at the moment. I have been trying hard to change this but I feel so low.

And what's causing me all this low self-esteem and disappointment at myself?? Probably the fact that I stupidly feel attracted  to someone who will never ever look at me the same way I look at him... But...what's new about this anyway?? It has been like this all my life. I should be used to it by now shouldn't I? This feeling has been following me for a long time and I just tried to ignore it but now it's consuming me...it's driving me insane!! And I had promised myself that I would keep this only to myself but I couldn't keep it...it was too much so I emailed my therapist but she should think I need some kind of treatment because I haven't told her about this parcially...  Didn't have the guts to tell her everything... actually that email should have never been sent. It was a moment of weakness... I mean...another one.  I keep telling myself I MUST keep these things for myself and then I cant do it.

Fuck... I have so much to write and I cant write anything. It's so much inside me that I want to get rid of...

I tried...but I really cannot write anything else right now...there's too much inside my head.

purplexxx